Being Aaron Michael

Typical friday at the office today.  Nothing good to report really.  I was tempted to go to Pittsburgh to hang out with my bro and his friend.  Would have been a great time but not everything fell into place.  I picked up the new ESPN NFL 2K5 today, and I was so excited to play it, but after about 5 minutes I was fed up and had to do something else.  I think I have completely lost my attention span.  Maybe I will get back into when football is actually here.  By this time I am usually so ancy for football to start but the NFL has not left a good impression on me lately.  A lot of cry baby, overpaid, criminals.  Not that every sport isnt overpaid but the NFL makes me sick (i.e Terrell Owens being a little bastard about playin for the Ravens, well cuz fuck you TO.  Ray Lew is gonna knock u out cold like the little bitch you are)  The NFL has been making the NBA look good lately.  Truth is, BASEBALL is BACK!!! no doubt about it.  I dont really have a team to follow, but it has been an amazing season and gets better and better.  I cant wait for the playoffs.

I did however see something absolutly hysterical today.  I was cruising around WalMart after I bought my game and there was this 30ish year old black woman wearing a Garth Brooks TShirt.  HAHA NICE! Never have seen that.  You always see it the other way around.  a White kid wearing a Wu-Tang shirt or something.  Never the other way around.  Made my day!

high point - making plans for Miami, Baltimore, and Philly in the next few months

low point - dealing with an asshole customer, about an asshole order, that was fucked up

quiz - What country would I visit if I had time and money?

answer to the last one was indeed Banana Republic, yes they are overpriced and have gone down hill.  Wait till it goes on sale, cuz it always does.

So I know you guys want to hear about how brilliant Corey Blake is(name has been changed to protect the innocent).  Corey is another coworker/friend.  He and I hang out quite a bit, well whenever he can get out of the house.  Our favorite past time is to have a little herb, get some food, then get some beer, then lay around the apartment and watch whatever hip-hop videos are on MTV video channel.  So one friday nite after we completed step one, we were at Tullys getting our usual “munchie fix”: Super Nachos, popcorn, and Tullys Tenders.  Well some how we got to brainstorming for a good “get rich plan”.  I’m sure my input was something about writing a movie or being a lumberjack. But what came out of Coreys mouth next has changed me forever and will change anybody who reads this as well. 

Corey - lets make a machine that allows you to spend cash on the internet

Me - Well I’m kinda with ya, but I dont see how it can be done.

Corey - Dude, you know how you put a dollar into a vending machine?  This would be the same idea.

Me - Well where does the cash go? (it is Corys next comment that makes the story)

Corey - This machine will shred the cash so you cant use it again

Me - Well what the fuck is the company supposed to for payment

Corey - I HAVE NO IDEA! ITS JUST A THOUGHT!!!!

HAHA ok Corey, lets work on that one.  The only thing I can think of is that Corey as been buying a lot of porn lately and wanted to come up with a way so the the old lady wouldnt see the porn charges on the internet.  It seems like everyday that Corey is like “dude I got like10 more DVD porns for 20 bucks” HAHA…gotta love that 

Is it good to have “pouty eyes?”  The lady at the bi-bistro told me I have very pouty eyes.  I am not sure what that means.  Let me know. 

high point of the day - a great bike ride and workout at the gym

low point of the day - realizing that i desperately need to these hairs cut

quiz question - What clothing store did I work at for over a year when I first moved to Buffalo?

answers - 1.) the band shirts are: pearl jam, sublime, wallflowers, dave matthews, and elvis 2.) I own all three novels, and I havent read any of them 3.) white mustang, gray jeep, white VW Passat, black Explorer

I tried to post a new message last night but for some reason I couldnt get the page to load…oops…Nobody else seemed to have a problem…Oh well…I guess I have to clarify something from my last entry.  These bullet hole stickers I was referring to must be a Western NY thing because everyone out of the state that read my entry emailed me asking “dude, what the hell are you talking about?”  So for those people, they are these stickers that look as if a bullet went through your car.  They are dumb.  Look out for them.  I thought it was funny

It is official…I am tired of this anti-carb craze that these companies must think every red-blooded American must be on in order to manufacture all of these low-carb solutions.  The funny thing is I know a lot of people, and BOTH of the ppl I know on the Incredible Atkins diet stick to it pretty well but don’t seem to lose that much weight.  I don’t know what the craze is.  I know more people that are like “Screw Atkins! Bring on the bundt cakes and white flour!!” However, I think I cracked these companies codes for reducing carbs.  Step One is to take a high-carb product.  Second Step is to add the word “edge” at the end of it  Then third step is to divide the carbs by half.  Then the last thing is to put the word “net” in front of carbs.  Ill give you an example. 

Doritos - 24 carbs

Doritos Edge - 12 net carbs…(these are actually found at subway) There you have it.  These ppl are smart, but I cracked it

I love Krispy Kremes.  Except for when I bite into one for breakfast and the fucking thing explodes all over my hand, trousers (sorry wanted to sound European), and floor.  I set the Carmel Crunch Krispy Kreme down and said “i’ll deal with you later”. I cleaned everything up and was ready to take my second bite and enjoy the rest.  BOOM! That damn psycho donut blew up again!  All over my freshly washed hands, my still sticky from before pants, and my forever stained carpet in my office. 

high point of the day - breaking 1/2 million dollars in sales

low point of the day - shaving my fu manchu

quiz - I have had 4 vehicles in my name.  Name 3 of ‘em

PS - please book mark this page as I will try and put updates in it everyday or every other day…hope you are having fun with it!

I noticed a few things this weekend that have been troubling me.  One of those ugly PT Cruiser passed by on the highway today.  No big deal, probably just some middle aged guy trying to feel young again.  But what bothered about the passing ugly-mobile was that on the tailgate there was a pattern of after-market stickers that were as if the car had been shot up Al Capone-style.  Why on earth would someone want their car to appear that it was a prop in a bad Snoop Dogg video.  Its bad enough that this guy was driving the PT Cruiser, but for some reason he wanted me to think that he was caught bootlegging alcohol in the prohibition era.  So I got to thinking “maybe this guy’s onto something”.  I kept thinking and another light bulb lit up above my head.  I want to find after-market stickers that make my 97 Explorer look like a 2004 Explorer.  I mean hey, this guy fooled me into thinking he was shot up, why cant I fool him into thinking I just have a better vehicle that what I really do.  Brilliant!!!!!  Then the wheels kept turning and I thought that I could take this idea a step further.  I’m gonna find a sticker that will make my 97 Explorer look like a 2004 Escalade. Perfect Again!!!!!  That way I could cruise around like the wives of so many professional atheletes. 

The other thing I noticed was when I was driving by a McDonalds.  What stuck out to me about this McDonalds was this huge 30 x 30 sign that read “NOW HIRING”.  Now this sign wasn’t just any “run of the mill” signs.  This Sign had colors, and designs, and hope all mixed together.  I about had a seizure.  Aside from this brutal image the words “NOW HIRING” finally set it.  Coming from an ex-Mickey D’s “employee of the never”, isn’t safe to say you can bet like clockwork that ANY McDonalds is hiring at ANY given time.  So do what I do and whenever you see a sign at a fast food join that reads “NOW HIRING” think to yourself…”YA?…NO KIDDIN’ “

For those of you have the read first entry and read about the cafe that Dave and I go to all the time.  Since our “gaydar” took a huge crash last week finding out these woman were not gay, we thought it wasn’t fair to name it as if they were so we wanted to implement a new name.  We are still convinced that they maybe closet “rug doctors”.  Thus replacing the name “Dyke Deli” to the “Bi-Bistro”. 

A few quick things…

* Butterfly Effect was GREAT!  I didnt wanna see it cuz I thought it was just a stupid movie to get Ashton Kootcher (i know i spelled it wrong, i did it for effect) on the big screen.  I was thoroughly impressed.  He did an amazing job and it was a pretty intense movie with a lot of angles to follow.

* The Bourne Supremacy was good.  I was expecting more because of how bad-ass the first one was.  But the second had very little fighting, not a lot of good fight scenes, and Matt Damon didnt really fight that much.  Good story line though just coulda used a tad bit more fighting. 

Quiz for today - ”The Bourne” movies are based on a trilogy of novels by Robert Ludlum (which means there are three).  Of these three novels, how many do I own? And how many have a I read?

IM your answers to AaronMichael34! 

Ok so what is a blog?  I have no idea, but what I have been told is that it is a place for me to ramble on about nothing…sounds like a plan!  Let me ramble a bit about my sweet idea last night.  I was downloading a few songs and this huge surge of 1990’s classic one hit wonders starting coming to mind.  So I checked some 90’s compilations on the web and came up with a list about 50 songs from that era that I want to make a mix with.  So me, being the smartest person ever though it would be sweet if I came out with my own 3-disc series of 90’s mixes.  The first mix will be the “One-Hit Wonder Mixxy mix”.  The second disc will be the “More Than One-Hit Wonder Mixxy mix.  Then the last disc will be the “Ghetto Fab Mixxy Mix”.  Should be great for driving. 

Ok the last thing I wanna share for today was one of the funniest I heard in awhile and I feel honored because I was involved in the convo.  Let me give you the situation.  Dave (co-worker/friend) and I went to our favorite “dyke deli” (we call it that cuz until today we thought for sure the two ladies that ran it were lesbians, but come to find out they are both married with children, not that theres anything wrong with that).  There is this lady behind us that would not stop bragging to strangers about herself, her kids, her husband, her husbands boat, her husbands motorcyle, and her house.  This woman actually said “you wouln’t believe my house”  Who says that? Really, who says that? Ok so Dave and I leave.  Naturally we both start ripping on this lady and Dave used a term that I was not familar with.  Dave referred to this woman and a “One-Upper”.  I got a huge kick out of this.  If you don’t know what a “One-Upper” is, it would be someone who always to have something better than you and make sure you know about it (even when you dont care).  After we were done ripping on this woman.  I stopped and thought to myself, only to come up with the fact that Dave, himself, is indeed a “One-Upper”.  So I explained to him that he could consider himself one.  He was offended at first but then came to understand he probably was.  Well all of a sudden Dave starts to raise and say “How can you take a term that I teach you turn around on me?  Who are you Hitler?  HAHA!! I could not stop laughing.  It was easily 10 minutes that I could not stop hysterically laughing.  I hope that came just as funny in words than when it was happening. 

I don’t know how often I will write in this thing, but I will try and do it frequently.  As for grammatical errors.  Please keep them to yourself.  I dont care.  It can be our little secret.  At the end of each entry I will include three things(high point of the day, low point of the day, Aaron Michael trivia question of the day).

High Point - Being asked if I have been working out.  Yes and thank you for noticing

Low Point - Losing to Jon by one stroke in frisbee golf.

Quiz - I own five shirts that represent a band or singer.  Name 3 of the 5?

(send answer to my IM name… AaronMichael34 and you will win….

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