Being Aaron Michael

Staying with the Olympic theme as the previous blog entry, I want to take it a step further and create my own Olympic sport.  Here it goes.  It is gonna be “Raisin Bran Scraping”.  I was doing dishes tonite and I was scraping some soggy raisin bran that dried and conformed to the bowl.  And I thought to myself “wow this is a pain in the ass” Then after a few more minutes for utilizing my daily limit of elbow grease I then figured that this would be an amazing Olympic game.  This is what would have to take place to make this interesting.

1.) eat raisin bran

2.) drink all of the milk when the pickens get low

3.) leave 1/2 inch of soggy raisin bran in the bottom of the bowl

4.) leave bowl over nite to allow maximized crustation of bran flakes (for added difficulty, leave spoon in bottom)

5.) wait 14 hours

6.) Then the fun begins, after the 14 hours are up, each competitor (lazy asshole) gets to soak their bowl for 90 seconds

7.) Scrub away.  The first “bachelor” to wash their bowl to a shiny quality to pass the “would you eat off of this” test is the winner.  (my best time is 11 minutes)

Wanna give a few quick shouts.  Happy 24th Jester.  Hopefully we can find something sweet to do this weekend to celebrate.  Congrats Zach on getting your first “nice car”,  Big ups to G-Unit for wanting to try the LD thing (you wont be sorry), congrats Amber on the engagement, and last but not least, congrats to Carla on your job You guys all rock.  Also want to make a shameless plug for the new Mase cd.  It is hot.  Fun to listen to. 

high point - just named all the good shit I heard today

low point - my back is still having issues

quiz - What is the real name of the rapper, Mase?

answer - I forgot the question, will get back to u on that

How “hollywood” are people gonna get?  Where has our attention span gone? Has all of our patience been propelled out the window?  These are just a few questions I rumbled around my head today as I passed three different people on the bike path talking on their fucking cell phones.  Are you kidding me?  That is 60% the reason that I enjoy my bike ride so much.  Cuz I can leave all traces of the outside planet at home on my desk.  To get away.  That is my hour to think to myself, tune the music out on my headphones, and just think for myself.  Recently I have been using that time for what my next blog entry. 

To be honest, I have not been all into the Olympics as I have been in years past.  What I think is funny about these games, is that most people really only see these sports during the Olympics.  For example, when was the last time you heard this phone conversation “Dude what u doin’?” “Nada” “I was gonna get some people over to watch some uneven bars, ya Paul Hamm is playin’ tonite” “Oh shit dude, I be right over.  Ill stop and grab some Jolt and chico sticks”  This never happens.  These sports get no publicity when it is not an “olympic year” but for some reason there are experts on all these sports.  What do these experts do during the 4 years in between Olympics? Where do you go to become an “expert” on syncronized diving?  The other main sports that we see all the time it makes more sense to me.  It is hilarious when I am watching a sport that I havent seen in 4 years.  Lets say the pummel (sp) horse.  And the “expert” can pick this guys jump apart.  “You see what Mickey Davies did here was slipped about a tenth of an inch and only hit the “spring board” and an angle of 62 degrees, he wanted to be at about 63 and a half degrees.  He really should have added more powder to his foot and maybe if he shaved his neck hair he would have done a tad better.  Awww my god that was terrible, did you see that landing and his left knee buckled like crazy.  His score shouldnt excede a 6.7346742″  Ya Ok now lets look at what would be said if a non-expert male was to comment on the jump - “Who the fuck wants to learn how to do the pummel horse?  Thats retarded.  Play a real sport.  dude, what if he slipped and hit his face on that big thing?  That would be awesome”  Huge difference wouldnt ya say. 

On the for real tip tho, those guys are amazing athletes and I commend them on doing what they do for the country knowing that in 3 weeks they will be forgotten for another 4 years.  Unless of course we dont even hear of them again because they turn 23 and are officially old and out of their prime.  Apollo Ono Who? My point exactly

high point - hit 1 million dollars in sales for the year

low point - fucking bills, the kind you pay not the sucky football

quiz - What is my all time favorite TV show?

answer - Charly

WOW! I dont even know where to start.  This weekend Kurt and I went to Miami Beach.  It was a short weekend but we had a blast in the time we had.  It was a huge culture once we go there.  We are not in Western NY any more Toto!  It was amazing.  A few stories I have to share…

1.)  Kurt and I are white.  Really white actually.  Well we were in the airport waiting for our next flight and a group of black women where standing next to us.  One came up with a bag from Chik Fil-A (I never heard of it either) and Kurt said “Aw theres a chick fil-a?”  The lady says “yeah” Kurt then says in his whitest voice ever “Dude, Chick Fil A is Da Bomb!”  But the best part of the story is right after he said that one of the other Black ladies start cracking up and said “That kid just said “Da Bomb” In her best cracker voice.  I had to turn and walk away.

2.) Miami is fucking expensive!!! Kurt and I got a real rude awakening when we first got there.  We had a little time before we could check into our hotel so we saw this little dive place to grab a quick lunch.  We started drinking.  Not asking how much drinks are (cuz really who does that?) We were ordering Rum and Cokes.  No big deal.  I had a burger and Kurt had some fries.  Well we each had 3 Rum and Cokes.  Time to go check in and we ask for our bill.  We both have a 20 out to cover the bill, and we thought that was gonna be real high.  Well little did we know a fucking Rum and Coke in this little dive Cuban joint is 8 damn dollars a peace.   So try 68.00 for our “quick and cheap” lunch.  So then we went next door and bought our own bottle of good rum and our own coke and just got wasted a lot cheaper.  I expected the strip to be that expensive but not this joint.  So the rest of the trip I was expecting the worse when it came to pay for anything.  “whats that sir, oh only 13.75 for this slice of pizza wow thats a bargain”  Its fucking rape downthere.  But ppl are paying it so more power to em. 

3.) We noticed a lot of ppl missing limbs.  Arms and legs everywhere were half gone.  It was very weird and I dont know why we noticed it.  I felt bad.  I felt bad cuz I felt like I had something they didnt.  Oh yeah, I did. 

4.) The beach were at was great.  Just a few issues.  Some girls felt comfy enough to take their tops off.  Ladies, I am all for it and I am pretty sure I speak for every hetero guy when I say that.  But some of these ladies, god bless them, but didnt care what they looked like.  It was funny to an extent.  But it got to the point where I felt bad for them.  This one lady was about 65 and she would have looked ok for being a grandma with her clothes on.  But she had a different plan.  This is her thinking in her head “it would be a fantabulous idea if I were to wear a bright green thong, take my top off, get my nose pierced, my nipples pierced, my belly button pierced, bleach my hair and when I go into the ocean Ill wear this swim cap so I can fit in with the Coneheads” Awesome idea Miss (I have a pic on the diggie if anyone needs visual confirmation). 

5.)  When your a 50 year old male, when does it run through your head “Shit, I gotta run to the store and grab a new thong speedo”  Thats right I said Thong.  This guy was not in that good of shape to be showing of this mess.  But it was bad enough that he was wearing one but that he at one moment in his life said “Damn, that floresant Orange Thong Speedo, is just what I was looking for”  I am not saying I am perfect, but I think I know between right and wrong and I try to look out for other peoples interests when I wear my speedos.

Overall, it was a great trip.  Had a blast and I am sure I will write more on the trip as it comes to me.  Sorry I didnt get to it sooner.  Trying to recover.  Hope everyone had a great weekend.  If something cool happened please comment on it.  Take Care and Ill get back to doing this everyday.  Peace

high point - doing $70,000 of business before noon today

low point - Uhhh, monday morning after Miami.

quiz - What was the name of the latest hurricane in Florida?

answer - I actually have no idea where Shawn is stationed now.  I know he was in Florida helping out but hes not stationed there.  Maybe Kentucky.  His wife is Meadow

I have a serious question for everyone.  Why do public restrooms still use the “ingenious” air hand dryers?  Come on now, it is 2004 and no one has EVER gotten their hands completely dried off by using these things.  Personally Id rather try and dry my hands with their cheap-ass one ply toilet paper that doubles as a coffee filter.  Nowadays, its like I am washing my hands and already I am scoping out what drying mechanism I will have to use.  Is it gonna be the 1945 cold-air blowing, insta-flu or is it gonna be some traditional paper towels.  Hopefully there is a choice, and if there is I head for the paper towels thus insuring my hands being dry as I walk out of the bathroom.  Now…if all they have is air blower the following sequence is bound to happen…

1.) Press the big silver button (that you can all the dirty fingerprints on from previous half-washers)

2.) Cold air comes screaming out of the metal flu-dispenser

3.) I can be quoted as saying “Holy Shit thats cold!  Maybe it needs a sec to warm up”

4.) It doesnt warm up

5.) After 15 seconds I look down at which pants I’m wearing to see if you could notice if I just wiped my wet hands off on them.

6.) Walk out of the bathroom with two noticable hands prints on the front of my pants

7.) Then the next hour, my feels like I was just in a snow ball fight and my winter gloves fell off and were now buried in the snow.

Gum can be a great savior for bad breathe, trying to quit smoking, and trying to eat less.  If you buy a pack of gum and you eat a piece when needed.  But what happens when you packs among packs of gum at your easy disposal?  You become a glutton for gum.  I have proof.  I had about 15 packs of gum in my desk drawer at work.  So I thought it would be a great idea if I put 5 pieces (1 pack) of JuicyFruit in my mouth.  I am walking around the office like a Major League Baseball player when someones says “Dude, what the hell are you doin?” I explain that I was chewing 5 pieces of gum at once.  We share a laugh, ha ha and then shes says “I bet you cant do 10″  Well now its a whole new ball game.  I go to my desk and quickly shove 5 more pieces in.  Granted my jaw is tired, I kept biting the side of my mouth, and I was making gobbling sounds as if I was a llama, but you bet your ass that I had 10 pieces going at once.  Dave game up with a good point.  With that kind of quanity so close to me, I became a glutton for the gum.  I wouldnt have went to the store with the only idea of “getting a pack of gum that I can at once”

Sorry I havent updated real recent, I am a little fed up with site as some people have a lot of trouble bringing it up, if it keeps up I am gonna try and find a new web site to go through.  Wanna say hey to Matt K who is back in town from Iraq for a short time.  Sorry I wont be able to catch up with you.  Thanks for everything you are doing!

high point - getting a big order via our brand new website

low point - not waking up on time for work

quiz - My best friend Shawn (Bakes) is in the military, what state is he stationed in? BONUS - Whats his wifes name?

answer - nomar is 5

When did waiters and waitresses stop packing up left overs for people.  I instantly get irritated when the waiter asks “Sir, are you going to need a box for the last few bites of that burger?” “yes please”…Well when he asked if I needed a box, he wasnt lying cuz that all that I got was a box and I had to do all the work.  Why am I giving you a 7 tip? Oh yeah it must be for the 4 minutes of actual work that you did.  Good thing I dont like pasta because I am sure I would have been wearing that mess as I exited.  Keep up the hard work. 

Why do we have wisdom teeth?  I am pretty sure that there isnt one person to benefit from these damn wisdom teeth, except for Oral Surgeons who make $200,000 a year removing them.  It is my thought that whoever thought that we needed these so-called “wisdom teeth” was in fact lacking “wisdom”.  I think its a conspiracy.  For my last 5 or 6 dental visits the Doc has said something along the lines “Oh my god! I cant believe your not in enormous pain.  You should have those removed ASAP.  I know a guy who you should call” You know what? Ill risk it until I see a reason to have them removed ill say they are fine.  They hurt today but I think its cuz I bit into a low-carb Dorito and stabbed the gums.  That might be why.  Ill keep ya posted. 

I am very unhappy about this blog company, my site is down more than it is up.  So if I change to a different.  I let you know and put the link the last entry on here.  But keep checking here.  Hope all is well and Ill write more soon

Something struck me funny yesterday, after I got back from lunch I was at my desk doing some work and research and I realized my hands felt all greasy from the chips I had during lunch.  So no big deal.  I head to the bathroom to wash them.  Well the running must have triggered something because after I done washing my hands I realize that well “shit, I gotta pee now”.  Well there was definately a conveinence involved seeing that the urinals were 2 feet away.  I go do what I gotta.  Guess what?  Now I have to wash my hands again.  I figured that the pre-pee wash was not good enough to carry through the actual act of peeing.  Not saying im dirty or anything but I think I would have felt a little guilty if I didnt have a post-game wash. 

Nomar is a Cub.  This is just really sinking in.  I happy for the most part because over the last 2 or 3 seasons I have found myself rooting for the Cubbies.  I have always liked Nomar for the most part.  My only issue with him is that he wasnt showing a solid team spirit towards his teammates in Boston.  In the epic extra-inning game against the Yankees, he asked for the day off before hand and just sat on the bench while his counterpart stepped and showed why is a bigger asset to his team.  Nomar just sat there.  I am chalking it up to the fact that Boston really bailed on him trying to deal him in the off season.  So who would want to make ultimate sacrifices for a team that your not even sure if they want you.  I can understand that to a certain degree but still I think he should have stepped up and felt like it was more of an obligation.  So Nomar gets sent to the Cubs.  Great move for both teams.  Boston got the defense they needed and the Cubs got the all around player they needed to support that pitching staff.  So I am getting stoked to watch sunday nite baseball.  Cubs take on the Giants.  Nomars first nationally televised game as a Cub.  I was looking forward to this game all day.  About an hour before the game, I hear the update.  Nomar will not be in the starting lineup today.  Was he hurt? Was something the matter? NO!! He wanted the day off.  Are you kidding me.  Maybe there is more to the story but I think that was kind of bullshit and it is hard for me to take Nomar serious now.  He was given a great situation.  He was traded to a team with better fans, better team, and better coaching.  He should be playing his ass off to impress those ppl.  But instead he wanted a day off.  Not to mention they didnt have a game the following day.  Nomar, I was a little disappointed.

Hope everyone is all well and had a good day.  I am gonna change the format of the quiz it is going to me an anything quiz.  Not just about me from now on.  It will about anything.  I was starting to feel like a jackass trying to think of stuff about myself.  Hope everyone watches the finals of Last Comic Standing tonite.  Ralphie May is gonna perform.  Plus they crown a winner.  Should be a good show.  Take care everyone.

high point - my back is healing nicely

low point - paying bills

quiz - What number did Nomar wear in Boston?

answer - Jester was right with Daemen College, and yes my favorite tshirt supports Daemen Soccer, Im number 6!

DRY CLEANING! I am hooked.  It’s like a drug.  First it just started out as me dropping by to get my “dry clean only” shirts done.  Then I thought to myself  ”why not bring my dress shirts and have them done here”, that way they will be perfectly pressed and will look brand new again.  Then came the ultimate epiphany (sp).  I woke up today and looked in my closet and realized I HAVE NOTHING to wear today.  It dawned on me that I have three loads of clothes to pick up from the dry cleaner.  So I scare something up to wear.  I looked like a poor 4th grader whose mom made him wear his only nice outfit that just so happened to be from 2 years ago.  Ok so I get over that and manage to make it through the day.  As soon as I get out of work I run to the dry cleaners and what do I find?  Clothes I forgot I had.  It was incredible.  Its like shopping at AMVETS, spending 30 bucks and finding dope clothes for 3% of what you paid and imagine this…EVERYTHING FITS!!.  What are the friggin’ chances?  “Hey Cory Blake check this out, this Hugo Boss button up is only $1.50″ AWESOME…So this is my advice…just throw all your nice clothes in a pile after you wear them.  When you are close to running out of decent clothes, run a load to the dry cleaners…pick them up in a week and it will like you won a shopping spree from “QVC”.  The only bad thing about the dry cleaner so far was when I took my jeans there, yes my blue jeans, they put creases in the front.  What the hell is that?  These are not Dockers so dont make feel like im 50.  The best story so far was one day when I was picking up another bunch of forgotten freshness, I explained to the guy how my collars on my dress shirts get these “sweat lines” and I asked if there was anything to do to prevent this.  He said yeah just ask to have them pre-treated.  And I instantly thought “great, thats where everything comes to a hault and thats where the scam sets in”  So I ask well how much extra for the pre-treatment.  He says to me in a straight face… Eleven cents.  ELEVEN CENTS?!?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me.  Seriously for the 11 cents dont even ask just assume that these 40 dollar dress shirts could use the pre-treatment.  Just a thought.

Hope everyone had a great day today and enjoyed the last few blogs.  I watched the final three of Last Comic Standing tonite and I cant wait to see who wins.  Gary and John both had strong sets.  Alonzo was decent but started out slow.  I have seen Johns set before but Garys bit was all original :-).  There I go.  Well stay tuned for more.  Thanks everyone.  Take Care.

High Point - newly dry cleaned wardrobe, cant wait to see who I look like tomorrow

Low Point - slow day at work, not a lot activity with the schools

Quiz - What college did my bro attend?

Answer - Latoya London was my favorite Idol this year

I used to be so anti-reality tv shows, and for the most part I think it is still cheap tv.  However I am more than guilty than getting caught up in some of the buzz.  It all started last year with Last Comic Standing.  I loved it, but I just chalked it up to loving stand up comedy.  I hated American Idol. Thought it was mean and just a way to get cheap laughs.  I was so sick off hearing about Kelly, Justin, Ruben, and Clay.  I felt like they no talent and all they were doing were singing other peoples songs.  Mark and Lor made me sit down and watched it and like a brick in the face, I loved it. I was hooked.  Every tuesday nite was American Idol nite at the Porters.  What I think is funny about reality TV is that us viewers at home instantly become professional judges and offering our two cents.  I found myself during the first or second episode of American Idol spouting out phrases such as “that was pitchy”, “I wasnt feelin’ it” and “Wow I have goosebumps”.  I can now see why ppl want to watch this type of programming, it really makes you feel apart of the show.  Same thing about Last Comic Standing, I was using terms like “bit” and “set” like I have been in the game for years.  Here we are at home criticizing and complimenting these performers knowing damn well we dont have the guts to rish humilation.  Keep it up!!!  This doesnt happen with any other television shows.  You dont sit there and watch Home Improvement and say “You know Toolman you could have done that scene a tad better”

Hope everyone had a great weekend.  Sorry I didnt get a chance to post.  I had a long day of sitting around and not doing anything.  Friday nite was a blast with Parker and his wife.  We then met up with Aaron, Adam, and Zach.  Played some drinking games.  Aaron was the most drunk I have ever seen, but he was still walking enough to do card tricks.  Thats boy.  Leave some comments and I talk to ya all later. 

high point - great hair day today

low point - still sore from my torn muscle

quiz - Who was my favorite American Idol this year?

answer - Stephanie’s blog is entitled Completely Irrelevant

Ever see someone that you dont know and realize that you dont like them right off the bat before you even hear a word out of their dumb mouth.  No matter how nice of a person they turn out to be there isjust something about them that pisses you off.  I hope I am not alone here.  This happens to me a lot, and ever since I started lifting weights on a regular basis I realize it happens a lot at the gym.  At least 5 or 6 people each workout are not liked by me.  It is not just people that are in better shape than me either.  Its just ppl that are clueless.  Like this tool today.  He was about 20 or so, and he had this real annoying buzz cut (buzz cuts piss me off).  Of course he was working out right next so I was paying attention to his routine.  Everything he was doing was pissing me off.  He would start out with way too much weight and barely get 3 or 4 reps off.  PACE YOURSELF HERCULES! So besides that, he kept rolling his sleeves up to see his HUGE muscles before each set.  Now this guy had as much business rolling up his sleeves and checking himself out as me taking off my shirt at the beach.  Its uncalled for and there is absolutely no excuse for that.  Everybody at the gym thinks they are in better shape than they actually are.  Guys are wearing their “Under Armor” and weight lifting gloves and drinking their “Sport Water” (thats another blog for another day) and there I am with my trucker hat, cut off cargos, and some beat up running shoes.  Well maybe they know something I dont cuz I fucking tore a lig-a-fat and had to leave promptly.  Oh well I am still better.

Thanks everyone who is leaving comments.  It really makes this site a much better Idea.  I wanna give shouts to Bakes and Zach who finally left some comments.  Now we just need Jester and Parker to follow. 

High Point - Having a decent order waiting on the fax machine when I got to work today at 8:06am

Low Point - Pulling this muscle in my back to cut my work out short

Quiz - Whose blog is entitled “Completely Irrelevant”?

Answer - Howie has a black lab and a yellow lab.  The names are Kelly and Lexi