Being Aaron Michael

- I went to the library the other nite.  You know those depressing nites where it gets dark super early, its cold, and your bored out of your mind? well thats what kinda of nite it was, I have been having a lot of these nites.  So at the library I saw some things that made my yearly trip to the library worth it.  I saw a father with his son.  His son was probably about 3 or so.  He was well behaved and the best part was you could tell that the father wanted to be there with his son.  It instantly put a smile on my face and made me want to be a father.  Then I figured that the kid was prolly on ritilin and thats why he was well behaved and the father was prolly stoned out of his mind and just wanted to get out there and get to the near by Taco Bell.

- Saw a sign today… “kids eat free - tuesday and wednesday”  Well thats a nice concept except it was on a sign with a Labatt Blue logo on it.  So if you cant wait for your child to become a raging alcoholic, I know just the place for you. 

- Dr. Scholls is now manufacturing sneakers.  The logo for the Dr. Scholls shoes (not to be confused with another Doctor that makes shoes, the ever popular  Doc Martin) is crooked “D” with a “S” of the lower right side of the “D”.  My worry was that ppl would look at the “D-S” logo and point their fingers and laugh but ol’ Cory Blake had a different thought.  “Nah, that D-S if for Da Shit.  People will think your cool and it will be the cool thing to do”.  So if you wanna jump “Da Shit” bandwagon you can find these stylish rides at your nearest Shoe Dept. 

Hope everyone had a great week.  My week was “up and down”.  My bloodwork came back OK and I should live.  But today, well let me tell you…today I stood up from my chair and work and my back thought it would be a great time to say “hey dipshit how about you plan your whole weekend around me”.  Bite Me.  On a better note.  On Sunday, yes Halloween, my old man turns the big 5 - 0.  Fifty years gracing this earth with his presence.  Thanks for everything Dad.  Happy 50th!!!  If any one in Olean sees this and in turn sees my dad wish a happy bday.  Take it easy all. 

- When you are helping someone move and they say “Its not heavy its just awkward”.  They are lying.  It is not only awkward but also heavy. 

- Attention people that “hold your sneezes in”.  Don’t.  Why would you do that?  Arent you scared of blowing your ears out or even worse yet blowing your head up?  I would be, thats why I just let ‘em ride. 

- I love hearing a bitchy millionaire, overpaid as it is just to catch a damn football, say things like it’s all about having fun.  Fun huh?  Really you sure about that.  It is probably more fun this time cuz you bitched to get off your other team.  You were traded.  You then bitched about who you where traded to and then started calling shots to who you wanted to be traded to.  You somehow got the Players Union to nullify the trade.  Then magically you were traded to the team you wanted.  So yeah it must be fun.  Getting paid millions, complaining, getting your way, and winning.  Eat shit.  Who am I talking about?

- I dislike Red Sox “fans”.  I was happy that they finally beat the Yankees but now all these stupid asses that dont watch baseball all year except for a few games in the playoffs and you jump on the bandwagon.  Keep it up and you’ll make me a Yankees fan in no time.  Its not a fan for a team anymore, its being a fan against a teams fans.  So now everytime you see someone wearing a Red Sox hat you are gonna think “chump, just likes em cuz they finally beat the Yanks” until they speak and you realize he from Southie. 

- I hate work.

- I am heavily considering a career change.  I dont wanna be in sales anymore.  I want a profession.  A Teacher? A Physical Therapist? An Engineer?  How nice would it be to just drop everything and go back to school and not worry about anything? 

- Things that made happy recently:  Hawaiin Burger from Tullys, Jesters Moms cupcakes, The new Trick Daddy song, Joey, Seeing my mom and dad, Seeing Aaron and Jane, Working out.

- Things that made me sad recently: Red Sox becoming like Yankee fans, my job, and other stuff I dont wanna talk about.

- It is a good thing that new Jeep Wrangler Rubicons come with a winch because you never know when you have uproot a tree or move a double wide in reverse

- When I eat a Ritz Bitz sandwich, why is there a picture of Bart Simpon on the cracker?  What good is this picture really doing?  Is it supposed to accentuate taste?  I only look at this long enough to think “Uhh thats Bart Simpson”.  Well see ya later Bart, let me know when your out of the 3rd grade, you have been there for 16 seasons. 

- I wore a football jersey to work today for casual friday.  My advice:  Don’t do this unless you wanna hear over and over “Ray Lewis huh, you a Ravens fan?” or the ever popular “Ray Lewis sucks” or “You’re wearing the jersey of a murderer”.  He didn’t do it.

- On the day I chose to wear my Ray-Ray jersey, Cory Blake decided to dress like a white metrosexual.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’t ya think?

- When did everyone and their conscience become Texas Hold ‘Em fans?

- When did everyone and their conscience become a Red Sox fan?

- For you people that got burned on the Citi Bank scam…you deserve it. 

- What is the Citi Bank scam you ask?  Its an email scan that went out to ppl that asked if you had a citibank card to follow a link and verify info.  A dummy page was created to look like the actual Citi Bank webpage and ppl actually did this.  Gave their acct number, exp date, and auth code.  Just thing somone is probably watching a brand new plasma TV that you helped finance.  You got Punk’d bad.  Like I said, you deserve it. 

- See anything out of the ordinary, strange, or just plain stupid? lets hear about it!

What a series!  But I dont have to preach on about that.  Everybody with a pulse knows whats going on with the Yankees and Red Sox.  Its amazing to watch.  I have to be honest though.  I love baseball, but a string of 4, 5, and 6 hour games was a little too much baseball for me, but I will look forward to it again tonight.  It is known that I dislike the Yankees for trying to “buy” another World Series year after year by offering every decent free agent on the market double what a small market team can offer them but I think it is more that I dislike the fans of these Yankees.  , and these sell-out players say “ok” i.e. Jason Giambi, Kevin Brown, Hideki Matsui, Gary Sheffeild, Mike Mussina and soon to be Carlos Beltran.  Now what happened with the A-Rod deal?  Only the Yankees could have pulled that off after the Players Union vetoed a deal to get A-Rod over to Boston. This is bullshit because Boston would have had to give up Manny Ramirez and somehow the Yankees got away with giving up Alfonso Soriano.  Ya whatever, but I do find it funny that the Texas Rangers instantly became a better team without A-Rod as did the Mariners when he left them.  However, I did come to a conclusion during this marathon of swapping implosions.  My conclusion is that not only do I dislike the yankees as a team but I also dislike “most” of their fans.  Now granted the two closest ppl to me are huge Yankee fans they are perfect examples of why I their fans bug me.  Being a sports guy and having a lot of sports ppl around at work and in social situations conversations often arise about the Yankees.  I find myself becoming in furiated during these conversations.  Why do you ask…because every Yankees fan I ever spoke with makes excuses for everything the Yankees do and thinks that the Yankees are always right in what they do.  Yankees could go out get no-hit by a mediocre pitcher and fans will say something stupid like “the pitcher was wearing a white undershirt and the hitters couldnt see the ball that well” or “Jeters hampster died when he and A-Rod were fooling around and everybody had that on their mind”.  The bottom line is Yankees fans seem too narrow minded to me and it is impossible to have a real conversation about baseball with them because their outlook on everything is too skewed.  There could be a blatent bad call for the Yankees and the fans seem to have seen a different play than I did.  The reverse is also true, a play that goes against the Yankees, the fans will fight that the Yankees were ripped off.  Then they have Joe Torre run out to the umps on every call like a little bitchy drama queen prolly saying something like “hey listen here I’m Joe Torre and these are the Yankees, we are right you and wrong and these great fans of NY know it”.  Like a good coach, he sticks up for his players and fans and I will give him the benefit of the doubt because he doesnt have instant replay in the dugout.  Umps dont ever throw him out for getting in their face.  You have to be consistant, if your gonna throw out one coach for doing it, you gotta throw em all out.  I know that Yankees fans feel like so many baseball fans are anti-yankees, and they are right but I think it all started cuz the Yankees fans are anti-every other team in baseball.  They are the ones that put themselves vs. the world.  I do admire the fact that fans can love a team that much because I havent loved a team like since Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire played together before they were on steroids.  Fortunately, todays Yankees do not mess with the mystique of the Yankees that made them who they are.  With players Like Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Ford and others they are what made the Yankees the best franchise in sports history.  Those guys are real Yankees.  I cant consider A-Rod, Sheffield, Matsui, Giambi, Cairo, Mussina, Brown, Gordon and others as real Yankees.  Jeter, Bernie, Posada, and Rivera are real Yankees.  Baseball is different now though.  I hate how the Yankees get special treatment though.  There as been 2 calls in the postseason where Derek Jeter “faked a tag” and was about 2 feet away from actually tagging the runner but yet he was still called out.  That wouldnt happen to any other team or player.  As I type I am listening to a know-it-all ramble on about how A-Rod should have been safe after he cleanly swatted at Arroyo.  Then watching him argue that he was just running.  Uhhh Bullshit. Its funny cuz this asshole doesnt even watch baseball during the regular season and now all of a sudden he knows everything about the Yankees.  I just hope he doesnt come over and talk to me.  Oh well its just a game and just enjoy this amazing display of baseball because in about 2 weeks we wont have it again until spring. 

PS - Some of this entry was proved wrong as I heard a Yankee fan agree that A-Rod was out and that Schilling did pitch a great game.  That is still only one though.

Lets talk about Kurtzilla’s “Bubble Land”, not to be confused with “Neverland”, although Kurt has been to both.  This bubble is located in the heart of WNY, Depew to be exact.  This bubble is Kurt’s own creation.  It contains pieces of life as he knew it when he dwelled in California and NYC.  You know fake faded jeans, flip flops, surfboards and white seashell necklaces.  It was created so Kurt didnt have to make is way the unfamilar lands of WNY without feeling at home.  It’s perfect!  It contains everything Kurt needs to survive.  A mall. A school.  His Work.  A local watering-hole.  A poker table (which is conveniently located in his garage).  If you want to hang out with Kurt you must travel.  You must travel to the bubble and have a special ID Card to enter.  This ID Card will give you special priviledges that one wouldnt get unless you knew a smooth son-of-a-bitch that not only was cool enough to live in NYC but also to come from the great land of Cali (just ask LL Cool J and Biggie).  Kurt was lucky enough to develop a “bubble path” from Depew to Toronto.  The next city on the “Smooth SOB Tour”.  He can now travel to Toronto to see his “gf” that he has known for a whole 3 and 1/2 days.  But hey, he says they are in love.  I believe him.  Well I will believe him as soon as he knows her last name.  His love is pure though.  Kurt doesnt have to travel outside of bubble.  He doesnt have to because people line up to travel at any expense to hang with the one and only Kurtzilla.  Lets take a look at a sample from one our conversations…

Me - “hey dude, wanna come over for poker tonite”

Kurt - “sure, but where”

Me - “my place”

Kurt - “Ohhhh, ummmm I told ya about the bubble right?”

Me - “oh shit my bad, how dumb of me.  Ill get these 5 guys to travel to depew.  That’ll be much more convenient”

Kurt - “perfect, Ill call ya after I get back from the mall”

Thanks a lot Kurt.  Dont wanna mess with the bubble.  Anyways, for the sake of discussion if you could create a bubble…what are three things you would need to have in your bubble to survive?  I will have to give mine some serious thought and get back to you.  Hope all is well with everyone.