Being Aaron Michael

OUCH!  Paper cuts friggin’ hurt.  How can something so harmless, like an
envelope, turn a simply fine day into an bedwetting nightmare?  My day was
proceeding just fine, no glitches.  Mail comes in and as usual I run to its
attention to see what customers got off their asses and sent me an order.  I
GOT ONE!  I rip it open like poor kid on Christmas…AHHHHH FRICK Are you
kidding me?  That F$#@in’ kills!  It is amazing how altered ones day can
become after what looks like a minor scratch.  Can’t expose the cut to heat
cuz that’ll like burn like the clap (assuming the clap burns). 

Can’t grab or transport anything with that hand.  Can’t cover it up with a band-aid cuz paper cuts almost always are located on a knuckle somewhere and lets face it, band-aids just suck.  Ever try and lift weights with a majorly sore paper cut?  It hurts.  You might be
thinking I am a girl, but they do hurt.  Paper cuts should leave a scar for
as bad as they hurt.  “Oh that was when I was in the army and I was having
knives thrown at me”  “Oh that one was from falling out of a tree fort”
“This is one from Obi hitting me with a stick when we were little”  “OH that
one?  Thats from my heating bill”  Doesn’t sound as cool but hey chicks dig
scars.  The other part that sucks about a paper cut is the sound.  That mere
shredding of your flesh.  I dont care if its only 1/100000 of inch deep.  It
sounds like Rambo just lobbed up my arm with his machete.  I dont know what
to react to first…the pain or the sound.  Both make me wanna instantly
vomit.

Thought of the day - I saw three seasons come and go today between 7am and 10pm — Why does anyone still live in WNY?

Thanks to one Parker Carson on Mix 101.5, my 15 minutes of fame are up.  Not too long ago I wrote an entry entitled “Home Sweet Home”.  This entry was a highlight of thoughts that I shared about thinks I disliked about Olean.  Unfortunately, Jester took offense and we ended up going back forth about Olean and how AWESOME it really is.  There was name-calling, hurt feelings, and eventually lawsuits.  Not really.  My mom got involved with her top ten list.  Turns out a lot of ppl got a kick out of the bantering including the famous Parker Carson.  Parker has his own radio show and during one of his segments, Parkers Rant, he decided to feature our convo as the topic of his debate.  So a special Thank You goes out to Parker for using up 15 minutes of fame on that shit.  I’ll be sure to give “Mister X” any feedback that is offered.  Oh and Parker…if this “puts you on the map” so-to-speak…Jester, Madre, and Myself want our cut.  Rockstar.  Although I do think the things I claimed in my blog, there are a lot of things that I love about Olean, that I can only find in Olean.  Where else can you find a radio station so desperate they have to go clepto some dudes blog to get programming?  Up next on the “Parker Carson show” an exclusive interview with a bagboy at Rieds Foodbarn.  Right after this 80’s music sweep.  Love you Parker, U Rock!

The holidays were “here and gone” and that means THANK YOU cards.  To prove that you have some manners left, it is a nice gesture to write some cards out to the ppl not in your immediate family that were considerate to get you a gift or a card or something.  One of my New Years resolutions is to create a non-stop flow of Thank You cards.  I will call it “the cycle”.  STEP 1 - receive gift from friend or relative.  STEP 2 - after the new year send a quick card to say “thanks”  STEP 3 - receive thank you card in response to your thank you card STEP 4 - send another thank you card, this time with a small knick-knack included (watch battery, restaurant coaster, or ribbon will work) STEP 5 - receive thank you card for your thank you card and gift.  Included in this thank you card will be a scratch off lotto ticket STEP 6 - scratch off lotto ticket STEP 7 - win 2,000 dollars a week for life STEP 8 - send another thank you card to thank for the lotto ticket and instant debt relief.  Included in this card will be a 20 dollar bill (cuz hey you can afford it now) STEP 9 repeat steps 1-8 (may or may not win the lotto again).  But whatever you do…dont break “the cycle”.

Trivia - What town do I live in?

Answer - Anyone but the fucking Patriots or Eagles.  I hate them.

Thank you Scott for pointing out the “tuna fish death sub” at Subway has 31 grams of fat.

Thank you Scott again for standing me up to watch the Bills implode, good thing I gave up tickets to the game.

Thank you Rolling Rock for coming out with Green Light.

Thank you Obi for telling me advance that you dont wanna play poker saturday. Im sure the strippers will understand.

Thank you Mom for your pasta salad.

Thank you Kurt for saying that really funny thing that one time where everyone laughed, had to be there.

Thank you to the Canadian customs for opening up only 3 lanes out of the 15 available after New Years. Its no problem I like to wait an hour and half to be asked what country I am from. (cuz my drivers license is NOT a good indicator)

Thank you to the parking garage at the Fallsview Casino for letting us in even though the LOT WAS FULL! Seriously, It was fun to drive around for 45 minutes knowing I wouldnt get a spot.

Thank you to the genious that decided to put chocolate over top of cashews.

Thank you to Depew Schools for the trip down memory lane. It was dismissal and I had knife through kids leaving in a herd like there was a free Usher concert. It really made me realize that although I may think I wanna go back to a time where I was young and innocent…i dont because I hated High School.

Thank you to Napoleon Dynamite, just for being the funniest movie EVER!

Thank you Smoothie Makers, enough said.

Thank you boxer briefs, you make my work outs less stressful and more “supported”. My bike seat will thank you when the weather breaks.

Thank you everyone my age buying a house and making me realize that my life is not going as well as planned.

Thank you favorite dress pants for fitting a tad tighter after the holidays.

Thank you current high schoolers for not having any direction except for the direction to the nearest Hollister store. Nice skirt, what are you 14? You’ll be pregnant in no time.

Thank you Lindsay Lohan for being on every magazine cover and getting sluttier and sluttier by the day. (No seriously Thank you)

Thank you in advance to any team who knocks the Patriots or Eagles out of the playoffs. I will be a die-hard ___________ fan (fill in the blank).

Thank you Gameboy Advance SP.

Thank you Kurt for seaching for sweet vacation deals during your “work time”, and emailing them to me. Who wouldnt wanna go to South Beach for a 100 bunkers?

Thank you Collective Soul for the free concert.

Thank you to the guy that did an absolute face plant on the treadmill. Made my trip to the gym well worth it. Thats what you get for trying to show off. Go hang out at Abercrombie.

Who would you like to thank? The answer to the previous trivia is indeed “The Da Vinci Code”. Kurt was right. Also, I would like it to be known that Adam Jester is too reading a book and he wants everyone to know that he is reading “Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them” by Al Franken. Adam must want everyone to know that his views of George W. Bush extend far past those that he obtained in watching Fahrenheit 9/11. Im just kidding. Jester is a cool dude and good friend.

Trivia Question: Who do I want to win the Super Bowl?

winner of this trivia question will recieve two tickets to the new movie Back to the Future 2.

Hope everyone had a good safe new years. For this entry I want to share some of the quotes I have been collecting from my friends recently. I havent had any funny stories but I think this assortment of quotes will more than make up for it. I’ll give you a brief background behind the quote and hopefully you will still find it amusing.

quotes from Obi…. - Christmas Eve at about 1130 AM, I call Obi to make plans for later… Me - “yo dude! What are you doin’?” Obi - “with my dad getting our Christmas tree” Me - “Uhhhh its Christmas Eve?” Obi - “YA WELL ITS A LONG FUCKING STORY YA ASSHOLE!”

- Wednesday before Christmas, I meet Obi had his place to go to lunch, Perry and I strike up a convo about the books we both just read (“The Da Vinci Code” “Angels and Demons”) Obi - “Cut that shit out! This isnt your fucking book club!”

- All days during the break. Obi and I had a little ongoing saying that seemed to fit just about any situation or conversation… “What are you stupid?” or the more racy version (check to see who is around before letting this version fly) “What are you? Some kind of fucking retard?” Those dont get old

Quotes from Corey Blake… - Two weeks ago, Corey and I went to lunch. On the way back to work, Blake was talking about his infatuation with Grand Theft Auto on Playstation. “I don’t even play the game to play it. I play to kill the dumb Jamacians. They are all over the place and they’re mean”

- On the same trip back to work after lunch, Blake and I saw a deer sitting on the side of the road. Me - “I don’t see how ppl could hunt. I could never kill a poor deer for no reason” Blake - “Not me, I’ll bust a deers ass!”

- Another lunch trip for the two of us. I was telling Corey about this sweet show I was watching Me - “Ever watch the Jamie Kennedy Experiment?” Blake - “No. I dont like those “punk’d” shows. I just hate to see ppl uncomfortable”

- This really isnt a quote, but its not long enough for a full blog dedicated to show Mr. Blakes intelligence. I’ll just make it short and to the point. Corey - POT ROASTS SHOULD NOT BE FORCED INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL! Actually, if you have to force anything down there a red caution should pop up.

- This next quote was between my brother and my aunt (whom we hadnt seen in like 10 years, she also likes the sauce). Aunt - “I’m back in town for a bit. Gonna find a waitressing job. Know of any good restaurants?” Howie - “uhhh there is an Applebees here now” Aunt - “I dont think they would take me back. Apparently they dont like it when you drink Jack Daniels at 7am”

- Another one by my brother. Me, him and my mom were playing Scrabble. Howie - “Scrabble is pretty easy when you are playin’ ppl that cant read or write their own name”

- This was from Caputo. It was the day after Christmas and there was an abundance of Christmas cookies laying around. Jon came over and Gibby was trying to pawn off this ChristmasCookies Gibby -”Caputs, you want some cookies” Caputo - “No, I had cookies for lunch”

- Out with Dan at the Anchor Bar, a couple of Asian guys approach Dan Chinamen - “Could you take our picture?” Dan - (he complies and the guys get ready for the pose. Just as Dan is ready to snap the picture) “OK say CHOPSTICKS”

These are just a few random things I havent got a chance to share but I wanted to…

Jared from Subway is a piece of shit. They make you think that EVERYTHING there is healthy. Well they can bite me. Whenever I am hungary and go to Subway I get the same thing. 6 inch Tuna. Thinking to myself “hey thats a good choice, better than McDonalds”. WRONG AGAIN! Guess how many grams are in a 6 inch Tuna. Just Guess…..

31 fucking GRAMS!!!!! (kiss my ass Jared and your onion chickent teriyaki crap)

- Dryer Sheets make great air fresheners.

- I love how when I am at Best Buy, The pimply high school kid pratically rips my credit card out of my hand to check the signature and make sure its legit. For a 9 dollar purchase!! If I was gonna risk getting caught stealing a credit card do you really think I would risk it on a 9 dollar CD? NO!!! If I have thousands of dollars in purchases…sure makes sense. Not the new Collective Soul CD.

- Canada sux on New Years.

- When did everyone starting calling drinks “cocktails”? Thats annoying. Stop. Seriously.

- I hate when ppl break up a perfectly good fight just because “its the right thing to do”. Bullshit. The right thing to do would be to stop being a drama queen and stay out of their way. Think about it…if you were in a fight with someone you hate you wuoldnt want anyone to step inbetween unless is a slutty ring girl at a boxing match.

OK thats enough for this entry. Hope it was funny. These stories had me almost pissing my pants. Also, back by popular demand….TRIVIA!!!

question - What book am I reading (re-reading)?

winner gets a free congratulatory (sp) name mention on the next entry.