Quarter After…
Happy Birthday to me! Cough Cough Bullshit. I am 25. That is a quarter of a century old. Nothing good happens when you turn 25, except for your car insurance plummeting. 25 is a weird age, everything changes. When you are 23 or 24 you can get off with the attitude “hey I’m only 23 (or 24) I dont have to worry about anything but where I am drinking that night”. But now my friends that stage is complete over. You have think about your career, your future, what other ppl are doing with their lives, why your body stays sore longer, why your joints crackle when you move, and that colostamy bag in a few short years that has your name written all over it. Gross. Next Step — Retirement home, Bingo, Canasta, Pants that go up to my double chin, falling down the stairs and driving slow. Can’t wait. Yes I can. No really, we all can.
Maybe I am the only one that does this but I have a strange feeling I am not. When its my birthday, I am always trying to slip into routine conversation that its my birthday. I want ppl to know. Maybe its just a pathetic ploy to fish for a compliment or something. Its not like when you were younger and birthdays were a big deal. It meant you got something. A good gift maybe, or something that makes you legal. Say at 16 you can begin your driving career, at 18 you can cruise for porn (and vote). At 21, well thats obvious. But now you get nothing good and its not a big deal, to anybody. So you have to make ppl be aware yourself by being all smooth and inserting an important part of your day into convo. Here are some sample convos to help you practice when its your birthday…
someone thats not you - hey what are you doing tonite?
you - oh just hanging out, its my birthday.
someone thats not you - oh really well happy birthday (they dont mean it)
you - thanks
someone thats not you - how old are you 28? 29?
you - 25
someone thats not you - Wow, you look older.
you - Thanks, i think
or there is….
someone thats way too nosy - Hey, who sent ya the card?
you - my parents
someone thats way too nosy - Why?
you - Its my birthday
someone thats way too nosy - Really?
you - No I’m lying
someone thats way too nosy - Are you Really?
you - No
someone thats way too nosy - Well how old?
you - leave me alone you nosy grub.
someone thats way too nosy - Why?
you - What did I just say?
or the ever popular blatent insertion, where you start the conversation for the soul purpose making it known that you are one year older…
you - how you are you?
someone about to partake in pointless convo - Fine, I guess. My ferret just died.
you - That blows. Todays my birthday.
someone about to partake in pointless convo - Thats nice.
you - I know
someone about to partake in pointless convo - Leave me alone.
you - Why?
Well hello again. Sorry it has been awhile since I have “blogged”. I just have not been in a funny mood lately. Not sure why. Just had writers block. Had some decent ideas but nothing I could get down and make entertaining. Oh well. Enjoy. By the way. Yesterday was my birthday. 25. I take checks and money orders. Take it easy everyone!
