Being Aaron Michael

Since I got a really good response from the entry with all of my friends and their quotes (“Like I Could Lose It”), I have decided to do another installment.  Over the last few weeks I have been trying to jot down anything hysterical that my friends have said.  I am sure I have forgotten some but I think I remembered most of the good ones.  This entry is not all Obi like before so you will see some new names.  Art kinda came out of nowhere by being hysterical over IM.  Tim is a co-worker at my new job.  He usually has something smart-ass to say about whoever I like in American Idol.  Ben is bassist from Navar and was cracking me up all weekend.  Unfortunately I had a lot to drink and cant remember anything.  BTW Navar is opeing up for Reel Big Fish on thursday at St. Bonas.  Let the games begin…

“In case you didn’t hear, I was just elected Pope today” - Art, a random IM during the day.  Needless to say I lol’d.

“Do they have any massage parlors with release in Bradford” - Obi, during our road trip to Arby’s.  “Massage parlors with release” is the funniest thing I have ever heard.  Hope you know what is meant by it.

Me - “Vonzell was created to wear those blue jeans”

Tim - “Yuk, she has cottage cheese ass.  I saw it in Ebony”

“It’s girls like that who get raped” - Ben (from Navar), expressing his disgust with these girls after we left their dorm room saturday nite.

Obi - “I am trying to spell Magaret”

Me - “I think its Margaret dude, but I’m not sure”

Obi - “Great, looks like we are both stupid!  They call her Maggie for short, so it cant be Margaret.  Or they would call her Marggie”

“Whenever I blow my nose, I have to open the tissue and check out the results.  It’s like reading an ink blot.  Sometimes I see a bat” - Art, little explanation needed.

“Thats great, you have the athletic ability of my 5 year cousin” - Scott, his remark to when I said we had a great game of wiffle ball going that evening.  I went on to tell him to send his cousin over and I’d show him a few things.

Me - “Didn’t you tell me that ‘Mike’ tried to touch your leg once?  And it wasnt a joke?

Obi - “Yeah he tried to rape me”

Me - “Marc is buying a new punch-bug”

Cory - “Well that pretty much confims that he’s gay then”

“Wanna come to the mall.  I trying to find some gay clothes” - Cory, ppl are telling him he should dress more gay.  He is married with kids.  Sorry fellas.

“Please put me on your blog, I need attention” - Jester, when I told him I was never mentioning his name again on here. 

Me - “No one is gonna be able to beat the Suns”

Obi - “I’ll beat the F**king Suns”

“Your last 22 years have been a gay phase” - Obi, after I said I had a VW Passat for a month and it was during my “gay phase” when I was even dressing gay”

“We’ll keep each other posted over IM on whats going on for plans tonite.  Like the good little nerds that we are” - Art

I am still laughing at some of these.  Hope everyone is doing well.  Also, check my friend Mindi and her new blog.  She is a cool girl and has a lot to stay.  Should be a good one.  Anything funny happen to you lately?  Let us know…Stay tuned!

Last week brought some bad news.  One morning when I “got to work” Art messaged me and told me Mitch Hedberg had passed away.  For those of you who dont know him, he is one of the funniest stand up acts I ever seen.  I purchased both of his cd’s that are available.  The guy was brilliant.  One of the most originally funny guys ever.  He was one of those guys that you could just look at on the TV chuckle. He could say something as basic as “I’m tired” and somehow it would strike me as funny.  It is too bad that there won’t be any new material of his.  I always laughed so hard at him, and I wasnt even stoned.  Maybe I should track down Cory Blake or my mom and get some “green” to see if he is in fact “more funny” when you’re high.  Anyway, for the rest of this entry, I decided to cut and paste some of his best one-liners I ever heard.  Check out the website if you would like www.mitchhedberg.net.  Any thoughts please share. 

“I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn’t grow shit.”

“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”

“An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

“Last week I helped my friend stay put. It’s a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck. “

“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.”

“I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it. “

“2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That’s why 2 was created. “

“This shirt is dry clean only. Which means…it’s dirty. “

“I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. “

“I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too. “

“I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said “Fuck it. Cut em up.”

“I played golf… I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That’s way more satisfying…”

“Someone handed me a picture and said, “This is a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger. “…Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” Where’d you get that camera man?”