Being Aaron Michael

This entry will not be for the faint of heart.  It took a few days going back and forth with myself on whether or not I should tell this story.  Clearly I felt the story had too much potential to never make the surface.  Shall I begin?  The other day I was working from Barnes and Noble (most of you know why).  I had my morning coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, well we all know what coffee does to most people.  It goes right through you and causes b-line action for the can.  I’ll set the scene.  There are two stalls and blah blah every bathroom is the same.  So I walk in and the short-bus (handicap) version of the stalls is open so I wander in.  Another dude is in the regular normal size stall.  So, as a common courtesy, I wait for him to do his biz and “clean up” before I “go”.  In risk that I might smoke him out.  So I sit down and pull out my cell phone and start playing Pong.  Level 1, Level 2, Level 3 and I am hearing ZERO “activity” on his side.  No rustling around or offensive noises.  So I conclude that he walked in a few secs before me and had the same idea I did.  Hold off just in case something embarassing happens and risk the chance of recognizing him around the store by his black sneakers.  Level 4, Level 5.  Now I am getting impatient and my legs are starting to fall asleep.  Lets go dude.  Do you need another coffee over there?  How about a prune or some mexican food?  7 or 8 minutes have passed and he still hasnt “passed” anything. I didnt realize all the psyche games that went on back and forth between bathroom stalls.  But I am winning the ultimate head game because  I am “faking it” by ripping off TP and make weird noises (just kidding, well about the noises).  Little did he know my shorts were up and the toilet seat wasnt even up and i was just hanging out waiting.  That should put me in the finals of the bathroom stall headgame tournament (if only there was one!).  After a few more levels of pong and a few more minutes and all the feeling coming back to my thighs I figured Id let him take care of biz first.  So I said “eff this game” and got up and walked out.  So I went for a walk later on to stretch my legs and I noticed “them”.  There “they” were.  Those shoes.  Those cargo pants.  They belonged to a worker.  When I walked by Capt Constipation, as he was putting back whatever books the yuppy assholes leave wherever they want, I just gave him a little head nod with that certain smirk that says “Oh I know”.

I must admit, after having Stephanie explain what a “meme” I still have no idea what it is, but I think I can figure this one out.  “The Question Meme” I am guessing is designed to show little facts about ppl that other ppl are just dying to know.  Such as “what shoes are you wearing?”.  But in my instance I am gonna show friggin’ hysterical and witty I can be off the top of my head.  Just kidding it will not be funny.  But so you know, I am working on an entry that will be sure to make you kackle out loud, but also you will look at me differently. 

The Question Meme

1. What is your first name? Aaron                                                                                       2. Were you named after anyone? My parents said Elvis (his middle name is Aaron but I think they are lying, they do that a lot)  I think I was named after Aaron George and his 3 week legacy on this earth before I was born.  He’s my hero.
3. Do you wish on stars? Nope.
4. When did you last cry? Uhhhh ever see “The Notebook”? 
5. Do you like your handwriting? I don’t like it one bit, I can see a day on the horizon where I will NEVER have to write again.  My handwriting gets considerably worse with the older I get.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Roast Beef Curtain.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD? Now this question is awesome.  I have had a whole lot of dumb cds/tapes.  My friends can attest to that.  I am just gonna name a few…Shaq, Deion Sanders, Joey Lawrence, Some 8 year old Reggae singer, Celine Dion, Bodyguard soundtrack, LFO…My heart could go on but I think I have disrupted too many thoughts already.  Sorry for the poor Titanic/Celine Dion reference.
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Absolutely Not!
9. Do you have a journal? Blog = Journal, Am I missing something?
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not me…Ok Yes
11. What are your nicknames? I dont have any.  I tried adopting “the hammer” once but it didnt catch on.
12. Would you bungee jump? Depends, would you let me tie a rubberband to your waist and push you off a bridge? 
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? That would mean I’d have to tie them to put them back on.  Way too much work.
14. Do you think that you are strong? Emotional I would say no, but I used to think I was physical strong till I got that new jar of pickles. 
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Lactaid = Intolerant = Bad Night for Aaron.
16. Shoe Size? 10.5
17. Red or pink? Dumb
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Anything above my waist.
19. Who do you miss most? My Bro and Baker.
20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Army green shorts, tan shoes. I know what your thinking = Safari.                                                                                                      21. What are you listening to right now? The drama queen working as Starbucks talking about some dumb conspiracy theory, joining the Peace Corp, and what indie rock band is revolutionizing their lives.
22. Last thing you ate? grapes
23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?   No Idea how to answer this. 
24. What is the weather like right now? My boxers arent riding yet.
25. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kurt.
26. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Are they coming or going?  JK…either smile or clothing.
27. Where did you find this meme? Stephanie
28. Favorite Drink? Non-alcoholic - green tea Alcoholic - Rock Green Lite and Cherry Monsters when I’m w/ Obi
29. Favorite Sport? To play - baseball,golf, disc golf To watch/follow - football,baseball.
30. Hair Color? Brown
31. Eye Color? Brown
32. Do you wear contacts? No, but should ever since I tried hitting on that Juke Box
33. Favorite Food? Pizza
34. Last Movie You Watched? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but my heart is with Batman Begins which happens to be the best movie since Forces of Nature (sarcasm)
35. Favorite Day Of The Year? Not sure that I have one.  Prolly any day where I can sleep and watch 2 seasons of Friends back to back. 
36. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? This too is dumb.  I like chick flicks.  Anything Johnny Depp or John Cusack.  They are so dreamy. 
37. Summer Or Winter? I hate Winter and hotness can suck too…see answer #24
38. Hugs OR Kisses? Make out sessions
39. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Cheese Cake with cherries
40. Who Is Most Likely To do this Meme? No one
41. Who Is Least Likely To do this Meme and comment? All of my friends will make fun of me.
42. What Books Are You Reading? The Eight, Its a mystery puzzle book…before Da Vinci Code.  Some say this is where Dan Brown got the idea.  Whatever its good. 
43. What’s On Your Mouse Pad? Nexlink, its the brand of computer I sell. 
44. What Did You Watch Last Night on TV? I was at the Orioles Game, they won, they I watched the end of Packers game.  
45. Favorite Smells? Autumn, Pool Water, Sex, and Red Bull
46. Favorite Sounds? I too like the refreshing sound of Water
47. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles, I am now becoming a fan
48. What’s the furthest you’ve been from home? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
49. Do you have a special talent? I can curl my tongue 3 times…thats right ladies…thats Aaron - A - A - R - O - N and you can find my # etched into most bathroom stalls.
50. What is your ring tone? Howie Day - Collide.  I gotta change it.  Fag.