Being Aaron Michael

This should be my last blog about my cats for awhile.  They have given me a lot info lately.  I think it is funny/annoying when people offer their two cents (even when its not asked for) about “what you should do…” with your cat in a situation.  People say “oh you can leave your cat for a week and huge bowl of food and they will be fine”, “you should give your cat half wet food, half dry food and milk”, ”cats like to drink windex” or “cats like it when u rub under their chin”.  Really?  Is that why my cat tried to bite my fucking arm off when I did that?  Shut Up!  EVERY CAT is different.  Just like people and guess what, we can talk and tell people what we like and what we dont like.  Cats cant do that.  So unless you have had a conversation with a cat about what they like then bite ass.  Even then that would be just one cats opinion.  So, I want a whole kittie consensus.  That has graphs and percentages of what cats like and what they dont like.  What you can do and what you can’t do.  If you offer your two cents without me asking, you probably have a cat.  And guess what, its probably a retard. 

Proof that people will buy anything that companies will manufacture.  I saw a commercial for a SUV.  Not the normal Sports Utility Vehicle that you are thinking.  This was for a Sports Utility VACUUM!!! What the shit?  If you think im lying (which I wish I was) click here to check out the Hoover Z700 Sports Utility Vacuum. As you can see, this stupid thing looks like a character from I-Robot.  What the hell is wrong with just buying a normal vacuum for 75 dollars that friggin works?  Nothing at all.  But for only 400 dollars more, you can have a DigiTouch Control Pad, you know just in case you need it to double as a Palm Pilot.  My biggest problem is the name.  Why the hell call it is a SUV?  It is a fucking vacuum!  Nothing sports about it.  You can’t take it off-roading, it wont play catch with you, and it wont go with you to a Sabres game.  I can’t make fun of the “Utility” part of the name because it does have a “Pet Hair Cleaning Tool”.  Regardless - Hoover, you are stupid. 

Recently, I had a group of people over for dinner.  No big deal.  Got the new grill going, sun was shining (it was still 30 degrees but who cares) and I thought it would be a good time to have people over and then become submerged in top notch television.  It was nice.  Cooked a few burgers, few pieces of chicken, steamed some broccoli, corn, and garlic bread.  It was quite a feast.  One of the guests brought those amazing black and white cookies.  We all stuffed our faces like we were the kids on those Sally Strothers commercials and havent seen real food in months.  Ate everything in site.  All the meat was gone and all the sides were gone.  No one was shy.  Which is good cuz I hate left overs.  So it was dessert time.  More of the same, we ate all the cookies.  Here is the kicker.  EXCEPT ONE!!!!

“who wants the last cookie?”
“oh no no not me, im stuffed”
“no way”
whatever just fucking eat it

Why become shy now.  You weren’y shy when you cleaning out my fridge less than an hour ago.  Mine as well pack a bag and take shit home with you.  But one cookie?  C’mon.  This thing is light, fluffy, iced and delicious.  And this was not an overwhelmly large cookie. Whatever dude.  I stepped up.  Ate the whole thing in one bite Thank you very much.  End Game.